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January 24th, 2008

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10:43 am - Compassionate Communication Introduction

Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? - Jane Nelsen

   When I was packing for my first trip to the United States, I thought I would find a country where people live much happier. I reckoned it is such a relief when your life is not about survival as it was in Russia for me. I thought I would find a country full of happy people! :) I did not…
   After watching people in the US more closely, I found that they have so much in common with people in Russia. They can often be sad, frustrated, disappointed, angry as well as glad, delighted, excited, enthusiastic, joyful… They are worried about their kids’ future and health, they work too much… And I found the same phenomena here: kids are so sincerely happy, but at a certain age it seems that something gets broken in them - they start to carry so much pain, they become adults and very often life turns into a problem solving puzzle...
   The interesting thing – it is never about the quality of life… History tells us that even during the hardest times people can find happiness and joy, if they are connected with each other: if they really care about one another and if they have trust… So it is the quality of connection people are missing so desperately!

The real voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. - Marcel Proust

   When I attended NVC (Nonviolent Communication) 9-day workshop in December 2007, I was amazed how 60 people got connected there, how open and trusting they became with each other, how they did not want to leave the safe space they created together, which felt like a true home. It was not about religion or psychology - it was all about connection and people’s feelings and needs – so simple - it was hard to believe how amazingly it worked.
   Don’t you think that it usually originates from the childhood – when a child experiences misunderstanding and disconnection from their parents and starts to see how parents are isolated from the others? I have a dream, which is, I guess, common for all the parents who really care about their children, who want to be "better" parents and want a "better" future for their kids. "Better" in comparison to what? To what we’ve already experienced as parents and/or as kids ourselves. I really want to be a good parent and still want to be a good friend for my son. I want a connection with him which can be life long and become more meaningful after years. I am talking neither about supervision or control of his life, nor about keeping him "tied to my apron-strings". I am talking about friendship.
   I believe Compassionate Communication can help me (and you if you share this dream with me!) in achieving this! I would like to share its ideas and give a voluntary interactive Introduction to Compassionate Communication to all interested people.

If a child is to keep his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share… - Rachel Carson


Let me know, if you are interested in this Introduction: eshurkova [at] gmail [dot] com

Current Location: Newport News/York County

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